Soccer Dictatorships- a New reign of Terror

Soccer Dictatorships- a new reign of terror?

We all remember staying up till 3 am with school the next day, hollow eyed addicts to a premiership manager game. “Just one more game”, we would cry, playing God in the transfer market and assembling a team that won the champions league final for some reckless underdog in a matter of 6 electronic seasons. For me it was Championship Manager 97 and I went all the way with Peterborough, dragging them from the pit of near extinction to Champions League glory.

This was all well and good in the electronic version with one omnipotent being but suddenly the premiership has turned into a playground for the rich and mysterious. Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool, Man city have all fallen under the financial axe and been resurrected as playthings for characters as diverse as the owners of Monty Burns nuclear softball league. Arsenal plough a lonely furrow as the only one of the big 4 not under the iron thumb of a rich owner, but for how long? Salary caps and a fantastic manager and scouting network have helped them maintain their position but what happens when the genius of Arsene Wenger has moved on. This trend led to Portsmouth to issue the nonsensical press statement over the weekend that the club was “not for sale”, but they would talk to prospectors looking to mine it, “at the right price”. It doesn’t take an oxymoron to know that the directors have raised the white flag and are waiting for the Allies to come and rescue them.

Rather than go into the characters of the new owners and their tastes and favourite colours, their other playthings and their motives which has been examined in every tabloid in England since this whole football experiment started I’d like to see where this rabbit hole goes and you’ll bear with me while Alice tumbles.

The ridiculous spending in the premiership means that a Scottish goalkeeper- albeit a good one commands a £12 million fee a newly promoted side, of course this is Gordon in Sunderland. The following season they attempt buy over a third of Tottenham’s starting line up. Where did the cash come from? Were hotdogs suddenly £50 in the North? Why weren’t Newcastle made aware of this unique inflation? The answer we learn is that Niall Quinn and his silent consortium have a “sugar daddy” in the background dispensing sweets like a UK version of Paz who is coughing up this money no questions asked. Naturally these owners are looking to improve the standing of the clubs, to earn riches at the biggest sweetshop of the lot- The Champions League. Make no mistake Benetiz’s head was on the block if Liverpool and Kuyt hadn’t smashed in the winner with extra time ticking perilously and Reina getting ready to saddle up Silver to perform another Lone ranger miracle for the pool. 

But what happens when you have a premiership of 5, 10, 15 obscenely wealthy owners wriggling like eels in the Jacuzzi and all dropping pennies in the slot machine. What happens when the effects of all this money is cancelled out? Suddenly the soccer superstars have an option. Robinho goes to Man City, how much would you have gotten in Boylesports on that one last season? Or will they start outbidding each other for the worlds top talent ala Ronaldo and the £300,000 a week rumours with the agents and players delirious and rich and assured of a death by gout.

Will money eventually cease to matter and we go back to coaching and other methods to get ahead? 

There are a number of theories on this. Firstly, common sense will dictate that whoever has the most money can afford the top players and managers. However, the echelon of both these professions is a narrow pyramid. Once you have committed to a top manager you have committed to his vision at a club, which means his players which may not always be mutually exclusive. As Chelsea learned with the Shevchenko you cannot just start buying up players because you used have their poster on your palace as a child, you have to have a well balanced team. The Glaziers subscribed to this idea early and let Alex run his show. A double over Chelsea in the league and Champions league final has shown this to be a pragmatic and sensible decision. You cannot just “buy success” unless what you buy is the tool mason of a manager to do it. It’s like the old adage, money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it helps. It is no surprise that Mourinho’s departure took the title success with him. Hughes is a top manager for the premiership, but not yet world class and it’ll be interesting to see what develops of Man City and who he brings in January. I’d expect to see some quality defenders for a start.

Regardless of the manager, if you have far superior players you will win 98 times out of a hundred (the 2% is what makes sport great). The rolling out of the reserves as started by Ferguson has devalued the Carling/FA cup sure but Arsenal’s reserves nearly went the whole way. Try telling them that their victories were lessened against teams in the old fourth divisions that would knife their grannies for TV appearance money that may be the difference between their next buy, hopeful promotion or the abyss of relegation. 

Secondly the players are finite. There are not enough Ronaldo’s or Lampards to fill ten teams. This makes the scramble all the more interesting. I do expect to see bidding wars but there are other considerations. This is not fantasy football where players come willingly and not all players are mercenaries. Some players are attracted to clubs because they love them. For cultural reasons Barcelona and Real Madrid are dreams of many the Latin American or Portuguese and Spanish youngster. So too AC and Inter, Juventus and Roma stick in the heart for the Italians. No amount of money could prise these happy players away from their spiritual football homes and what’s the difference between £100,000 and £200,000 to the young who think that these days will last forever and the money will never dry up. Sure they might start getting old and will sell their reputation and name to an English club but will they sell their passion and hearts. How many Anelka’s do you want in your team? If they are not inspired how can they inspire in their football? When it just becomes another job for money, albeit monopoly money will they still pass go? Deco could fit in this category but I think Scolari had a lot to do with his move, though I’m sure the money helped.

If you build it, most will come, but not all and I haven’t even mentioned the weather!

The third consideration is the money itself. These investors did not start buying up these teams to catch a seat with a decent view or a nice spot to have a cocktail party. These clubs are businesses. For successful astute businessmen every venture is a business decision. Sure they can pawn it off as an emotional purchase to the fans who are mired in the mystery of their own club like a man who loves his wife and doesn’t care when she’s let herself go. There may not be enough carcasses for all the vultures though television money ensures that they will circle the carcasses long enough to find out. If money starts to negate money will the super rich look for other more equitable interests? Funnily enough with a recession looming a football club is an astute buy. People will always look to sport in times of economic strife, remember the 80’s? Also the sheer wealth of some of the new owners ensures they could afford if the clubs become money oubliette but not perhaps for Sunderland’s sugar daddy or Hicks and Gillete who must surely be walking the streets of New York in fishnets trying to whore Liverpool at this stage with all their cash tied up in now defunct US investments.

The last consideration is the equivalent of football socialism. The commoners revolt. Like the old Russians who overthrew the Czar before their decedents became one and bought Chelsea, and the French revolution no-one in England has modelled their club on the continental version of fans as the owners. Liverpool’s supporters are now trying desperately to emulate the model but the amount of cash they need to raise to overthrow Napoleon and the rest of the pigs in the farmhouse is absolutely obscene and far beyond the realm of the common farm animal, who generally has no pockets. The Barcelona and Real Madrid supporters got in before the boom and it might take a bust in Liverpool before they can stride through the wreckage but somehow I think the vultures will get their first. The European clubs liked to brag that this model was represented at each of the last ten Champions League finals. Well that argument is dead now with Chelsea and Manchester United contesting last years final

Where they may win the debate is that the fans aren’t going to pull the plug. What happens when Abramovich decides to walk away. Financial melt down and receivership is what. Sort of like what David O Leary did at Leeds, only 100 million or so times worse.

So where to from here? Thankfully nobody knows. Chelsea’s balance sheet shows that the seed capital needed to push a club into the realm of champions is immense pushing the club into the red but this itself will not guarantee success. Will this act as a deterrent to further takeovers? It doesn’t seem to matter. The hoard of Russian Mafioso on the stands of the Champions League final in Chelsea shirts means that Russia has adopted a new club. The revenue Chelsea generated in selling football shirts in eastern Europe with a quintessential eastern European celebrity, Shevchenko on the back of them probably made up financially for his football flop in the premiership. Not since Beckham fanatics in the Far East licking his toilet bowls have we seen a model for flogging merchandise so effectively. Real Madrid became the richest club in the world when they bought footballs most over-rated player almost overnight from shirt sales in the Orient. How long before an Indian or Chinese tycoon decides those markets are ripe to start buying football kits of their newly nationalised premiership team?  

We have entered a new golden age. Football has always been about tycoons and money, maybe it’s gone back to its roots.